What did we do last night that was yellow?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
