I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
