you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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