Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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