Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
