The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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