So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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