you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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