12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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