Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
