I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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