elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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