At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
