you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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