i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
