My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
