dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
