Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
