If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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