Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
