This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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