I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
