you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
