it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize