I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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