I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
