I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize