I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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