watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to calm my uterus...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
