It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
