guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize