It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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