So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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