Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize