I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
