when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
