Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
