I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize