Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
