Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We need to feng shui this bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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