She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
