do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
