Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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