i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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