I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
