omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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