I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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