I accidentally had phone sex last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
