I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
