Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
