Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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