apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
