he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
