and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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