you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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