craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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