I think my vagina is haunted
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
