your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
