Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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