he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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