your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Let's get the cat blown out
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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