that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
