I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
