His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
